I was waiting till about midnight tonight, my time, to see about hooking up because, since we've spent a few days/nights together in a row (such an effervescent luxury!) I've just assumed you each might have had commitments of various kinds during the day and earlier evening that you'd been putting off earlier in the week while you both were lovingly looking after me.
Going forward into the near future, Eddie - you and I have our own dynamic and context here that allows for a little bit more leeway. If you come across right to me, I might be able to work back to something like a 9am - 5pm understanding - or something analogous - of your otherwise commitments (with you and I hooking up in the earlier evening), if you want, but you'd have to make that pretty resonantly clear to me now that everything got turned around and I'm once bitten twice shy. :( I still get easily scared one of you is actually doing something else when I think you're hanging out with me. However, I wouldn't want to try to continue the 9-5 approach once Pearl Jam's album drops and the world tour begins because it doesn't seem like the album/tour demands fit a 9-5 structure anyway.
Jack, tragically with you and I, for the time being, it's a bit different. I am way too scared from what happened between us in June and July for me to be very comfortable yet hooking up too often before midnight, my time. In June and July the experience of thinking you were with me during the day and early evening on your "days off" got too abusive because I'd turn on the TV or go online and see that you couldn't possibly have been with me, you were instead onstage or granting an interview. I had verifiable proof you were instead onstage or giving an interview at those same time slots. I do NOT want to be left feeling I'm hallucinating our precious, romantic time together. Thus, as a general rule, for the time being, I only want to socialize with you when I'm certain you might be free of work or other personal commitments, which is likely to be after 12 midnight, my time, PDT or PST. I am not trying to be cruel and unfair to you, Jack, sweetheart. I am LITERALLY trying to protect my human right to have sane Underground conditions by which to encounter you.
And this need and requirement also extends to you, Eddie, as well. I need you also, Eddie, to NOT be trying to have time with me if you've already scheduled an activity that involves you being out and about in the world or engaged with others in the regular world in the regular way at the same time. Unfortunately, you do both have to choose: it can only either be me or the other activity per one time-period at a time. These are delicate meditative spaces. You need to have a clear committed focused mindset to spent time with me in this psychic manner or you're welcome, of course, to go out into the world or with others to take care of whatever you each need to - that's fine. I lovingly support your adult right to life your life freely in many instances, but you two cannot continue try to do both actions at one time in the same period of time-space. Choose either being with me OR engaging with the rest of the world in the regular way so I can hang on to my mental health because otherwise my psyche can't handle it and I'm having severe cognitive dissonance breakdowns where I'm fearing I'm breaking with reality.
Unfortunately for me, this may end up being only the beginning of my postings on this topic because for some reason, ALL of you have had a really hard time grasping and connecting and honoring this mental health need of mine. It is IMPERATIVE that you do, however. It's been one of the most fundamental requirements to interacting with me that the Otherside and I have been trying to tell all of you FROM THE BEGINNING (Eddie, Jack, Paul, Diego, Harrison and Keanu) and for some reason, not a lick of you can get it. To continually find you all trying to spend time with me while also trying to be out in the regular world during the same time slot literally makes me wonder if I'M HAVING BREAKS WITH REALITY AND EPISODES OF PSYCHOSIS!! Please stop doing this to me.
Now, I truly do not mean you two (or any of the others) have to choose between either me or the rest of the world overall, as in, "You both need to make a complete and absolute life-style choice: it's either me or the regular world." I do not mean that. I do not mean, "It's either me and a life of hermitage and chastity, renouncing all worldly possessions, while we go live in a cave as meditative monks for the rest of our live long lives or else, fellas!" I do not mean that as an ongoing lifestyle choice. The Otherside and I are NOT trying to ask something so extreme from you. I'm talking about simply our scheduled time together. You can't multi-task it while you're spending time with me. Not if you're hoping to do high level interactions with the rest of the world at the same time, it will not work, and I will be harmed.[1] I'd rather wait until you have some legitimate free time time where you can focus and relax with me in this psychic meditative space together.
[1] Doing chill, low key actions around the house while you're just "sharing quiet space" with me seems to be fine, but not high-powered complex involvement with the regular world in the regular way at the same time.
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Ok, so, I'm eagerly waiting until midnight tonight to see you both and, of course, one of these noise waves starts up again right about 11:00pm at the Rosslyn and it's kinda freaking me out because I've barely recovered from the last one and I've been trying to get more work on my video tonight and haven't yet had a chance to today/tonight.
This post has again not been proofread to the best of my ability because Skid Row ghetto lady psycho bitch face is still up (12:57am PDT) with those God forsaken unruly grandchildren banging around on the walls and floor. As a result, I'm kinda in a bad head state. I wanted to connect and love with you both so much but I still need to work on this video, too. I thought for a minute that we might quietly share space while I sit up and work on the video (like you and I have done, Eddie) but I'm now so frazzled because of how much noise is still happening and am now worried I may not be able to have a good Interface experience being psychically connected to you both while trying to work AND hearing all this racket. I can cuddle sometimes and endure the racket, like we did for the last few days, but not connect, hear racket AND work. So, if you want, maybe I can let you guys take your time reading over this post and mulling it over its implications while I try to put some more time in working on the video and then, if I get to a stopping point, I'll come in and cozy up next to both of you while I try to endure the noise. Eddie, it's OK with me, hun, if you're asleep. Maybe I'll just quietly nuzzle you here when I'm done. And, Jack, if you're still awake, I'd really like to also cozy up, but I likely won't be able to receive a lot of channeled talking from you tonight because 1) too much received channeling IN GENERAL (a.k.a talking) overtaxes me and starts to frighten me because of how many years I've been exposed to upsetting false content through the Interface (offensive, hurtful, mean, belligerently obstuse or even threatening verbal content) 2) with all the racket going on, I wouldn't be able to concentrate to channel tonight anyway. :(
If these stipulations are okay for both of you, I'll try to saddle up to you both when I'm stopped work on the video for the night. Eddie, I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm getting all of this to you so late, with you going to sleep earlier, but the noise didn't start in until abt 11pm and it took me over an hour to write all of this even out - time I could have spent working on my video. I did write all of this out because of a brief exchange I had with Jack earlier today that led me to wonder what he was clear on and what he wasn't, and I am tired of encountering confusion on this important topic and because some of this stuff, I swear to God, seems like I need to minutely explain every detail of it to ensure you will all see how it all fits together. But tragically tonight is NOT exactly a night I had the capacity or time for it and, Jack especially, I hope and pray you will understand and accept what I am saying in concrete terms which is that, in general, I can no longer spend time with you during any amount of regular work hours (day and early evening). And Eddie, if course, the trying to live in parallel dimensions in one time slot also applies to you and even the others like Paul.
I'll prolly ad addendums or clarification to these topics as we go along.
Thank you both for trying to let these words in and for trying to adhere to them.
Truly sorry if I seem suddenly pissy and tense. This topic has been especially frustrating and hard to get through the Interface fog and Rosslyn is in zoo mode tonight and I can't stand it when I repetitively can't get work done. :(
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