What I Was Saying Just Now....Why I Am Upset

I'm just going to type this part bc it becomes disconcerting if I don't know if you can even hear me accurately and it takes so much effort to push the words through in the first place. I end up feeling that I exerted myself profoundly and it may be all for naught (if I can't tell if you're even hearing me clearly).

OK, so I was talking about how I was watching a documentary last night on Los Angeles homeless and poverty and it was harrowing and triggering. I was telling you just now that I have no reliable support structure, even among family and friends (outside of the Rosslyn).[1] And then I was saying one of the things that is deeply upsetting is how my therapist and psychiatrist respond. It's been this way at that clinic since 2016. The mental health clinic I attend is located in the heart of Skid Row, and I think the clinicians there are not trained specifically for and do not even have an instinct for handling catastrophe on the level of humanitarian disaster-level homelessness, and its subsequent mental health expressions. Something like what Trump and the Republicans are threatening to do (taking away our housing, medical insurance, food stamps and other stipends that allow poor people like me to survive) is something that NONE of these clinicians have seen in their lifetime. To obliterate the remaining social welfare programs the poor are barely clinging onto would create a level of upheaval in this class of people that has not been witnessed before in the last 80 to 100 years. These social workers, therapists, psychiatrists are not prepared for being the ones that are left to treat us and help us manage this level of catastrophe in our lives. They are paradoxically both in denial and de-sensitized to how adversely the human psyche of the victims will be affected. They offer strange responses in place of compassion and relatability. Both my therapist and psychiatrist sometimes make me feel even worse and more dehumanized after talking to them (I saw them both yesterday). And it's a systemic response. In other words, I've seen many therapists and psychiatrists at that clinic and whenever I try to talk to them about the prospect of losing everything, I often get these weird, almost patently academic, responses from them, as though I was an example in a textbook; a theoretical model, not a human going down in flames in front of them. The human connectivity element is stifled, denied, weirdly ignored. It's deeply upsetting.

I also was telling you how hurt I am that I can't get any of the Awake, Alive and Conscious people in contact me, in my life. Even those right here in the Rosslyn, I keep having trouble with. I finally made contact with Akula on social media (young African American who's a musician who lives right across the hall from me. You've met him several times in the psychic way and at the Pumpkin Patch, etc.) only to see him stall and never write me back after I begin chatting with him on Facebook about bad neighbors in the building. I can't figure out why he won't write me back. AND HIM AND I WERE FRIENDS WELL BEFORE THE UNDERGEOUND OR PSYCHIC ROSSLYN COMMUNITY! Every neighbor I've tried to get in touch with using the five senses has been like this. I'm so frustrated and then I start to panic sometimes. It's why I try to tell the Rosslyn folks to not listen to what comes through the Interface for guidance on how to start connecting and socializing with fellow Psychic Rosslyn members because it easily turns leople around with false and confusing content (again, Akula and I talked WAY more BEFORE the Psychic Rosslyn effort. It sent us BACKWARD!)

[1] Later, at some point, I'll have to write or tell you more about my family and friends outside the Rosslyn, and why I came to realize I have lrecious little in terms of a reliable network and support structure of loved ones. It was first revealed to me in 2014 with the advent of my heart event. I then learned how fair weather so many of my so-called allies and loved ones were. From then on, I cut a lot of ties and it's another reason you don't see me go out much (compared to how much I used to socialize). In fact, what was evidenced to me in 2014/2015 about my friends and family was probably one of the most hurtful things I've ever experienced in my adult life. Suffice it say, I don't have a lot of good, decent, reliable people in my life, which is why I went looking for those living folks in my Soul Group.