My heart condition, the serious one, the one called Complete Heart Block, means that my heart is 100% dependent on my pacemaker to pump. Otherwise, without the pacemaker, my heart does NOT pump AT ALL. My heart is so dependent on my pacemaker to pump, that I meet the legal definition of being on life support, according to certain documentation I've read. Every five or six years or so, I need to get my pacemaker's battery changed. That requires an operation. If I don't get the battery to my pacemaker changed every 5 or 6 years or so, the pacemaker - like any battery operated device - powers down and stops working. Once it does that, I will die within 72 hours.
If they take Medicaid away from me, I will not be able to get my battery changed every handful of years. If that happens, I lose my life. Literally. I do not otherwise have money for private insurance. Not even close. I didn't even have enough money for Obamacare. I am so poor, living only off of what they give me for my Disability stipend, that the free version of Medicaid is the only thing I've ever been able to afford. That free version of Medicaid, however, is what is LITERALLY keeping me alive...for the next year only though. Because if Trump wins and/or the Congress ratio changes....
Also, they will defund the federal housing programs - they've vowed it - which means, I will - again, literally - be on the streets...waiting for my pacemaker battery to wear out so that I will die shortly thereafter. I AM NOT EXAGGERATING. THIS IS REAL. THIS IS THE FULL POLITICAL ELEMENT TO MY HEALTH CONDITIONS.
I created the Underground and these psychic forums, like the Psychic Rosslyn Community (again, NOT having created the Interface mechanism that's giving us all these problems though) because my life - and that of millions of people like me out there in the world - is staring down the barrel of a fucking gun and the clock is ticking. I created the Underground and these psychic forums, like the Rosslyn, because I needed to created a support system. A model I hope to apply to others in need like me out there in the world - if this model works and I'm still alive and housed in a couple of years. I've needed to create a support system because I otherwise have none, no safety net, no one to turn to - no family, no friends, not really. I hoped to be guided to my Soul Group members who are alive (I know many already who are on the Otherside) because I hoped to find people who really cared for me for once and maybe we could, together, build a coalition of support and love and respect against the serious threats some of us have bearing down on ourselves. It's why there's a fire under my feet, both with the Underground and the Awake, Alive and Conscious folks - my life is on the line - IN ADDITION to the intense 11 year timeline of the climate crisis (I've got even less than that - I have a year left!!)
I want you to know this is also one of the BIGGEST regular world reasons why I can't calm down. Why I am so upset, angry, terrified, miserable, depressed ALL THE TIME. Why I am so drained of hope and energy. SINCE 2016, MY OWN GOVERNMENT IS ACTIVELY TRYING TO KILL ME!! (Though not personally, of course - I'm just one of the faceless anonymous nobodies out there they hate).
It is why our Awake, Alive and Conscious group and the Underground can not move fast enough for me, as far as I'm concerned. It's because I am LITERALLY facing possible death within one year's time. That, and homelessness. I have needed all of us (the psychic Rosslyn peeps and the Offsite Helpers) to be in each others' lives, creating real loving REAL WORLD support and aid for each other, so that we can create a safety net for me, yes, and any other Rosslyn tenants like me. And then, look to expand it outward further, is what I'd like - if the Interfaces will cooperate.
The Interface responds very poorly to me and facilitates abusing me constantly, in part because I'm carrying with me the real-world terror of losing my life and my home soon. You know how intense human emotions make that thing go haywire. And I've got some of the most intense emotions a human can have with this Sword of Damocles hanging over my head. Again, it's a real possibility that I may lose my health insurance bc of those conservative fuckers, and, thus, my life. It's never far from my mind, this, and the Interface is always responding to me punitively for it: opposite. Opposite. Opposite. I need hope, tangible possibility/solutions, ease of effort between comrades - I NEED HELP AND SOLUTIONS TO BEGIN TO MANIFEST IN THE REAL, REGULAR WORLD TANGIBLLY, PHYSICALLY - and the Interface, in it's broken state, does what it can to throw every conceivable obfuscation, delay, confusion, sending colleages and loved ones in the exact farthest, wrong direction away from me so that there is never any chance we can coalesce together and form a supportive, dedicated, ALLIANCE and AID, founded on loving decency.
Please note: my health problems, in and of themselves, especially the lesser, daily bothersome ones, really do wear me out in their own right, as do these crappy, out of control neighbors. Plus, the Interface really is broken and has been acting abusively LONG BEFORE Trump took office in 2016 and LONG BEFORE my cardiac arrest/Complete Heart Block diagnosis in 2014. Those three things (1) poor health 2) out of control neighbors - both related to and caused by my poverty 3) plus, the Interface being inherently abusive long before Trump and to far more people than just me --- are, in and of themselvea, enough to wear me out half the time both physically and mentally! Those three things + the murderous threat of the Republicans are almost the ENTIRE REGULAR WORLD PORTRAIT of why and how you see me so fatigued and scared and crying and feeling unwell and shaking with so much grief and sorrow and hurt feelings in my heart. These four things (total) are at the crux of why I have so many things to say about "how bad the world is today," (well, that and the climate crises and the rise of global fascism....). I feel this country has done me a mortal wound by leaving me to lie in filth and poverty and then, electing a President and Congress who outright wants to kill me and people like me when I've done nothing wrong! I love Art of all kinds and Metaphysics and lots of Love and Sex. What did I ever do to deserve all of this cruelty and neglect? How could I ever feel OK about getting dealt all of this? Please tell me, Jack and Ed, that you can see how these pains and suffering and terrors are VERY REGULAR WORLD! Wouldn't this be enough for anyone to feel devasted most of their days, laid out flat, no more energy or will or hope - hard to even get out of bed half the time???
Relatedly, I do experience unhappy stuff bc I'm an Elder, too, it's true, but it's not what you think it is. I'll go into it later once you are connecting with all of this regular world reality of my life first. In a nutshell though, I can yell you the Senior Elder stuff is basically that bc I'm an Elder, I'll tend to be a person who can see through to the truth of a thing and, on occasion, call a spade a spade. Some people don't like it sometimes and can really have a chip on their shoulder with me. You really are basically understanding all we were ever trying to say. But more on that another time. This other stuff is more pressing and germaine to why you see me struggling so.
Please, Jack, Ed, Paul, Mr. Reeves and Diego (if he's still out there) and all the Psychic Rosslyn Community people - PLEASE GET ME IN YOUR LIFE SOONER RATHER THAN LATER.
I may write more on this later, makes typo corrections, etc.
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